Grrrreee..

I finally got rid of GRE this wednesday and got a score that would fetch me decent universities :-) ( If 1270 would get me some ) And all the GRE aspirants please read the following... and excuse me for the post effects you might get. This post is a pithy realisation by this poor soul about GRE.


What does GRE stand for?


Generally Ridiculous Examination.


How ridiculous is it?


As ridiculous as Dhoni is captain for India.

Who should take it?


One who feels Bald is Beautiful and wants to lose his hair before marriage.


How is the test?


As lovable as Kris Srikkanth's Hindi.


When should I start my preparation?


To finish off learning all the words for the verbal section, you should be as old as Jesus Christ.


How many words should I know before the exam?


Around 1,398,350 words. After you complete the word list, you'll have just about enough time to write your will and die.


Is reading comprehension a part of the verbal section?


Yes, it has 50 odd line passages which the authors failed to comprehend. By the 25th line, you are convinced that "inky-pinky-ponky" is the optimum solution.


Could you make this point more clear with an example?


Yeah. "Ignoring the minutiae of colour and texture of the britches and what lies underneath, the dampness of the same could be ascribed mainly to the frigid climatic conditions. Why the damp output has escaped freezing in such biting temperatures is beyond the scope of our discussion.


"Err...that means?


The kid peed in his pants because of extreme cold.


How about analogies?


You gotta figure out relationship between two words which are equally obscure in their own ways.


Example please..?


American man : American woman


A) Laloo : Buffalo
B) ManiShankarIyer : Hug
C) Ramadas : Tamil
D) Customer : Bank Account


In the above example, we first need to identify the relationship. That would be ... "Many American men have many American wives who inturn have many other American husbands". So the relationship is Many to Many. Option A and B are wrong because they are one to many relationships. Option C is also ruled out because it is a vetti scene relationship. So the choice is D.


What about math? What should I do for it?


That's very easy. You'll figure out the answers even if you are Laloo's close relative.


What if I am extremely smart?


Think dumb.


How are the writing sections?


Equally ridiculous.


Why so?


That's part of the terms and conditions of GRE.


How much can I score in verbal?


Definitely more than what Ganguly does for India, the minmum score is 200.


What if I manage 700+ in verbal?


Please mail me ur house address. Veetuku auto varum.Auto la naan iruppen. I'll meet you personally and kill you!


Disclaimer :
These are my personal opinion and I shall not be held responsible if this blog confuses you GRE aspirants

Bharathi Tagged himself.

I was too busy doing nothing and that's the reason why I am not able to sit in front of my PC and type something! Earlier, I used to hunt for topics. Now I have topics in hand, but no mood to write!

some of those cool topics were

How my TOEFL exam got postponed to sept 29

How i hated my second AIR TRAVEL

How bad the PARAMOUNT air hostess could be!!

How I liked the woman with whom i spoke in that Toll free number for rescheduling my TOEFL dates

How I hated that male who hooked up when I dialed the same number for 'you-know-what'

How I cursed the ETS guys when they charged 50 rupees for the second attempt :-(


Simply-a old people tell Kalla kanda doggie missing, doggie irundha kal missing-nu?! Sme thing..hmmm.. Now Ive tagged myself. Keep reading..


THREE NAMES YOU GO BY

Pasu (Courtesy: AK)
Maappi (College pals)
Kutti (College-la out of form!)

Conclooson : evenum en sondha paer vechu enna koopdarthu laethu.

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE/HAD

Killer Bird (on Yahoo Chat rooms)
Pappara Pappara Paein (on MSN)
Shaunbatty(Summa oru bandha )

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF

Right leg-la rightmost toe-la irukkara nail.
Adhukku pakkathu toenail.
And ulnaakku.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF

Velinaakku
Mayi...err..hair
Nose

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE

Nanjai
One acre nilam in each of the 18 patti.
Pumpset

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU

TR's mouth
TR's smile
TR

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS

Pillow (Katti pudikka)
Bed (Kavunthu adichu kuppara padukka)
Air-conditioner (A/C room-laye poranthu valanthavan you see)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW

I dinno this question was coming up. Badly dressed. So idhu pass.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP

Solla maataen! Idhu ellam therinjukittu yaarum enna impress panna try pannatheengapa, already gals thollai thaangala :-)

[in case you are desperate in ogling me then let me help your luck ' Trust, Fun and konjam Senti' :-)]

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE

Naan nallavan.
Naan kettavan.
Naan avan illai.

(in no particular order) ;-)


THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU

Kreedam on her head
8 hands
Kai-la gadhai

Note : Jathagathula enga amma-ku vara pora marumaga Mahalakshmi maadhiri iruppanu potrukku :-) Dont ask me whats written in that mahalaksmi's jathagam ;-)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW

Go to toilet
Flush
Get back and complete this

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING

Court Davali
Kanakku Pullai
Gumaastha

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION

Koomapatti
Thoppulampatti
T.Kalluppatti

[for those who don't know, these are real places]

THREE NAMES YOU LIKE TO NAME YOUR KIDS

Chain Gopalu
Naai Sekar
Salttukotta Sarasu [in case of a baby girl]

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

Live

Act in a movie with Anjolina Jolie,Monica Belluci,Eva Green,Kate Winslet,Rachel Weize
[ellarum enna mama mama nu suthi suthi varanum. Story screenplay - myself . Only the "action" movie ;-)]

Play mixed doubles with Sania Mirza and after everytime we score, i want that famous chest beat thing of Peas and Bhoopathi

That's it god, am all urs then!

THREE(make that more!!) PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW

Open invite to all velai vetti illatha pasanga.. or to put it in a simple words, everyone reading this..

Now me escapu...

Guys must be crazy !!!

Foreword : . Well this is my first attempt at a "romantic" story.I thought of writing it fully in English; but as there are two girls,[who recently got a job in an IT company] playing predominat roles in this story, I thought tanglish would be a nalla idea rather a girlish tanglish :)

                                                          Guys must be crazy !!!

"These guys must be crazy yaar" kannadi munnadi azhagu paarthu kondiruntha Asha sudden ah sonna..

PC la utkaarnthu busy ah Minesweeper aadittu iruntha Priya thirumbi paarthu ketta..

"Thideernu enna Asha ularure.. Enna matter??"

Asha, "Ada nijamma than solreen priya, these guys must be crazy..love kaga enna lam than pannuvangalo.."

Priya, "Aaha, thideernu enna love pathi lam pesare.Yaar antha loosu paiyan?"

Asha, "Hey chumma iru di...naane kobathula irukkaen.Nee vera"

Priya : "Ai ai theriyuthe... sollumbothe angae jollu kottuthe..yaaru antha paiyan sollu"

Asha: "Namma pakkathu cubicle Vikram irukkane avan en pinnadiye suthi suthi vanthuttu irukkan dee"

Priya : "Adipaavi, ponnunga ellarum jollu vittutu irukkara vikram ah.. unnaiya.. hey kannadi pakkathula thana irukku, turn and see your face dee.."

Asha : "Hey nijama pa. anniku paaren Food Court la naan saptutu kai kazhuva ponen... anga ethini tap irukku.... but this vikram en pinnadiye ninnutu after i went, antha tap laye poi kazhuvinan"

Priya : "Big deal...ithu bsnl signal a vida oru weak ah na signal ....... ithai poi love signal nu enala othukka mudiyaathu"

[At real-time, girls cant be this innovatively funny, I bet you. So all credit to me :-)]

Asha : "Iru iru, even I didnt think nething about it.Nethikku athe Food court la naan saptutu enthiruchi ponen.Mobile vittutene nu thirumba vanthu paartha that guy Vikram na, naan use panna paper towel ah eduthutu poran...ithukku ena solre?"

[Were I there, I'dve told "Avan oru echakala naai".. But .. girls, you know!!]

Priya : (surprised) "Hey nijammava solre ?"

Asha : "Ada aamam pa.athan sonnen. These guys are crazy. love nu vantha ethu naalum panranga.. nee venumna inniku en kooda Food court vaa inniku.."

As Priya had no other job to do except for finishing the beginner-level minesweeper,That afternoon,Priya and Asha dine together in the Food court. Vikram who enters the Food court at the same time, sits behind them.

Asha : "Paarthiya paarthiya, paiyan enga vanthu utkaruran nu..."

Priya : "Sari sari porumai"

Both finish their lunch and go to wash their hand. As they return they see Vikram standing near the place where they had their lunch

Asha : "Hey atho paaru di...paiyan enna panrannu" [with all the doubts banging in her head which when amplified sounds like this "ada kadavule, enna poi love panrane.. mavane sethan"]

Priya : "Iru iru....."

Vikram looks here and there, after getting convinced no one is around, picks up the tissue that was used by Asha.

Asha (with a triumphant/confused look) : "Ippa ena solre priya"

Priya : "Yeah yeah guys are crazy only. i will go and catch that guy red handedly"

Asha : "Hey venaam pa. enaku oru maathiri irukku."

Priya : "Ada che.. ithu enna murali padama? lovea kadsee varaikkum solamalaye continue panrathukku.. varen iru"

Priya goes to Vikram who is amused to see her..

Priya : "Dei vikram, enna velai da panre.."

Vikram : "System analysta irukken.. en? Kadan venuma?? "

Priya : "Kai la ennadda?"

Vikram : "Tissue paper.."

Priya : " Ithu Asha odathuthana?? Nee ethukku edutha?"

Vikram : "Aama aasha odathuthan.. tho inoru kaila paaru, unnodathu.."

Priya : (with 'enna koduma vikram ithu?' in her mind and slight blush) "Ennodathuma??"

Vikram : "Ipo enna problem, inga iruka ellaroda tissue paperum entathan irukku . Ungalukellam poruppe illayadi??. kai kazhuva pona tap ah thiranthu vidrathu. sapta pinnadi use panna paper towel ah kondu poi kuppai la podarathilla. ippo paru kudicha tumbler ah kooda eduthu vaikkarathilla. Food court volunteer aanathukapparam unga moonjikellam nan vela panna vendiruku ,kali kaalam.. Oththu .. nan adutha table ku ponum"

Saying this, vikram proceeds to next table to collect the left over tumbler.

Moral of the story : Nenapputhan polappa kedukkum!!

At the stationer's

Foreword:

My mind's drawn a blank. I'm forced to write all the mokkais I come up with in class, here in my blog. Apologies! :)

Fiveword:
shtart meejic
---~~---

I'm bloody pissed off with the stationer down the road. I really am. Ok, so I did seem a bit dumbwitted when it came to choosing the pen I wanted, taking an awfully long time to select one. But that gave him no excuse to insult me.

I entered the stationery shop, hoping I'd be given the same royal treatment I was given in a bakery next door. The stationer stood up, looking relieved to finally see a soul walking into his shop. "Ballpen vennum", I said. Hmmm, maybe I should have been a bit more suave. My line seemed a bit like the "maama biskothu" in the Pandiarajan movie, the name of which I've conveniently forgotten.

He gave me a curt nod, all respect forgotten, and started rummaging the shelf behind him. He handed me a slim gel pen. I stared at it for a while. It must have looked to him as if I was trying to burn a hole through it with my searing glare. With a dissatisfied 'hmmm', I handed it back to him. "Too light a shade of blue", I thought, but I didn't bother giving him an explanation. Without a word, he handed me a click pen. One click, and the pen flew out of my hand. Maybe he didn't trust me to handle such a complicated instrument.

One more forage later, he banged a regular ball pen on the desk, his eyes fixed on mine, daring me to tell him I didn't want it. But I'm not someone who goes looking for conflicts, and I must admit he gave me the creeps with his maniacal scowl. I took it without a word. I dug into my pocket for the frayed 10 Rs note I remembered putting in when I left home.

That was when he opened his mouth for the first time.

Ok, so I was being a pain, maybe I wasn't his best customer. But I will never forgive him for insulting me in such a way. As I handed him the money, he lifted his hand asking me to wait.

He took out his scribbling pad, gave me a sarcastic smile, and said "kirukku".

---~~---

Afterword:

Guess whose birthday it is on Aug 15 :) [thats a http thingy..]

My latest crush :-)

Ive been watchin F.R.I.E.N.D.S for some time now and everytime I see Phoebe [Lisa Kudrow] , my senses become !@#$#%#$^*(^*$%^#$

Her Profile


*
Lisa Marie Diane Kudrow (born July 30, 1963) is an Emmy Award- and SAG-winning American actress best known for her role as Phoebe Buffay in the hugely popular sitcom Friends.



*
Lisa is left-handed



*
Kudrow went out with Conan O'Brien until he moved to New York to host his TV show beginning in 1993. On 27th May 1995, Lisa became the first Friend to marry when she wed Michel Stern, a French advertising executive. They have had one son, Julian Murray (born May 7, 1998). Lisa's pregnancy was written into 'Friends' with her character Phoebe having triplets as a surrogate parent for her brother.





Foot Note :


Those who think "she looks like a bum", never mind. I know :-)

Cultral Shocks..

Pre Prelude :


Those who think that our society is still unbiased and sane, please read only the post script of this post. As, reading this post may leave you either psychotic or depressed or might, even turn you philanderic. If you are going to read this, abuse me in the Comments' box and get out! :-)
Prelude :

All happeneings stated in this post are verifiable truths.And if any character dealt in this post resembles you even in smallest of iota, then its you,ass hole. And you may consider yourself lucky or scum. Its left to you.

Note : Names are not revealed, considering the serious obligation by one of the involved person.

Life's depressing really.. Its been more than a month since I've turned 21 and still I've not even kissed a girl - not even in her cheek :-( .And life seems even more depressing when I hear something like

"Macha, namma X irukanla.. pona vaaram mattera mudichuutananda. Athu avanukku moonavathu thadavayam!!"

Well that meant consummating a woman/girl physically or simply 'had SEX'. Heard that?? S for splendid E for Excite X for ...er.. whatever.

Hey man, what am I doing?? Im dumb enough not to know how to seduce a woman??Fuck??..[er... this fuck was exclamation of annoyance. Some thing like - Go to hell, me!!]

And read the following two occurrences. Ive named them Cultural Shocks!!

Cultural Shock - 1

There was this guy named A [Im tired of Xs,Ys and Zee,s..] who was in my class till 12th and now he is in Coimbatore. This part is ok and thats a good place to live. Fine.

This dude has poked 3 girls in his third/fourth year of college alone. Word to be noted : Alone. And one of them is - 'onegoddamnplace's' coucellor's daughter. What to do fellas, I cant let those names out. It just puts my life in peril. Politics you see. And he says that particular girl was 'sema katta'. Isn't that cool? Its not over yet. Yet another girl with whom he did it, is studying in my college. WHAT??!!! Yes.. I know. But see, shit happens. Its cooler huh?? Its yet again not over. He had a tough time seducing her. His cousin lured her with glib, he said, only to reveal that , the girl Im talking about has had sex with more than one guy and obviously more than once. Thats the coolest part.

He has become a chain smoker and yes, he drinks. And again I remind you, this guy was studying with me till 12th standard. He has lost some of his exodontal parts now and that was because of Ganja chewing.

Perfect 10!! Aint it??

Cultural Shock - 2

This B [again a friend of mine. mates till 12th] guy is a maverick, well built and has decent looks. It wasnt too amusing that, this happened to him. But still, that C girl he was talking about [and even showed the picture of hers, man she was sexxy], left me in dreadful oblivion. Lemme tell the crux part of the story

a. She and he were in the same compartment and the third he who was sitting opposite to them tried to provoke her, just to assuage his arousal.

b. Our hero helped her from that fellow.

c. She told this " Hey B , You did soo much for me, I Love you!!" [Sooo much?? you mean soo much?? Shit that was crap. I turned down the hair on my head buddy, just to make myself a JACK ASS!! Yeah Lux, you are right, Im not a mighty romantic, Sigh!! :-(]

d. And they kissed each other. [remember, this was during the third hour since they met each other]

e. They went out. Dated. Had "Fun".

f. The third day she says this " Hey, B! Im getting engaged. Sorry man!!" He says "Phew!! Thank God! I started worrying about my girl friend waiting for me back there in my college. Bye yar"

g. I went MAD!!

This is crazy man!! I cant stand this. A girl who obviously knows that she was having a betrothal and a guy who already have a girl friend, had what they call 'fun'. That was not funny at all.

I asked my friend, " What if da, what if she really was sexually attracted and wanted to marry you?? What about the D, waiting for you??" He said "I never thought that way!But macha, nee antha situationla irunthiruntha.. You dont know da, that was so romantic!" I said " Yeah?? Romantic? what romantic? Leaving your 'real' girl waiting for you and dating some sexy bitch, is that what you call romantic??" Then he says " I was a victim of the circumstances man!!"

I saw a point there. I never had a girl friend, never been with a sexy girl with all the ecstacy in a lonely compartment at around mid night. This left me speechless for hours to come.

"Why am I bothered about those lousy bitches and some crazy womanizers around me? " Said the 'nice' me. The 'bad' me said " Hey you jerk!! live with it man. You are poor in this stuff. You are jealous. You are desperate. You are some bugger who cant deal with the truth". For which the good me said" Hey Hey.. the bad part of this idiots alter ego, i spoke only one sentence. you spoke two and that isnt fair. So im gonna speak three sentence in a row now!!" . The bad me said "You already did that ,ass hole!!".Finally Good me said "Yeah?? Well Yeah! Ill do that again. Hey buddy dont worry. You will be alright.You are good man, be proud of it."

I felt proud for sometime. And that sometime wouldn even last for minutes.

So I had to discuss this with somebody. And my somebody was Dada. I told some stuff about this "Get in. Get out. Get Off" concept ...

me: WHY AM I SOO GOOD and always left LOVE SICK?? mebbe we shud be bad to be loved

dada: hey come on..u mus b proud of urself for ths u r felling ulta..dog

me: yeah. whatever dada... ethachu "nadanthurukka" enaku?? cha cha

dada: kola vizha podhu..adhu adhu apo apo dhaan nadakanum.so ozhunga poi padi

That gave me some relief. Fine so lemme wait for sometime for that 'something' to happen. For those romantic "circumstances". I pity for those future hubbys of those bitches. Shit. If you all say im an ass hole. Let it be..er... Yes. I go with my good-me .

IM AN ASS HOLE AND IM PROUD OF IT!!


Disclaimer : This is by no means a generalisation. Just talking what I knwe about few girls. I am not talking about all the other Mahalakshmi's, Paradevadhai's and Annapoorani's! All girls who still wish to behead me, I am really sorry,be good, I will not complain, promise :-)

So what? Its Thalaivar's movie...

No logic, only magic. No better words to elucidate 'Sivaji - the boss'.

But before I get to write my first impressions, I have something to say about the Rajni factor. After the night show at Tamizh Theatre - undoubtedly the mecca of thalaivar films in Madurai - I called an autorickshaw to drop my chithi and two sisters back home in Iyer bunbalow. I went along in my bike. It was around 1.30 a.m. when we reached home and after I pay the driver an (un)reasonable Rs.50, he asks me: "Sir, padam eppadi irunthatu? Nalla Irunthutha? Thalaivar padam odanum, sir. "

Why on earth would an autodriver, in the death of the night, wish that his 'thalaivar' movie become a hit? Well that is 'Rajni factor' for you.

And where can begin and end with 'Sivaji'? It is an out-and-out Rajni extravaganza.
Yes, there is Shankar, AVM, A.R.Rahman, Vivek, K.V.Anand, Suman and, ahem, Shriya all too provocatively dressed in the song sequences. But when Rajni is on the screen, you don't have time to think of anything else. And you don't want to think also - this I ironically 'think' would be the key to enjoy the movie.

First things first. Rajnikant has managed to turn back the clock 25 years, well atleast 15 years. Right from the first scene, you are reminded of Rajni of 'Rajaathi Raja,' 'Moondru Mugam'..mm ...

By now, the story is out in the open and unless you are an eskimo, you know. But a word of encouragement for eskimos: the producers will find a way to release Rajni's next film in Antartica simultaneously.

So in the first half, Sivaji, the NRI software architect with Rs.200 crores, tries to build a charitable college and hospital but loses out to the schemes laid out by Adhiseshan,played with panache by Suman. And in between he finds time to woo Tamilchelvie, played with very little clothes [yammadiyov!! dress ellam thotta vilunthudum pola... sema hot machi..] in the song sequences by Shriya. And then there is 'Maama' Vivek in the mix of things.

The first half has some absolute rib-ticklers. The sequence in which Rajni and Vivek visit Shriya's , Rajni wears his "Moondru Mugum" get-up and one cannot but hope that somewhere, somehow "Alex Pandian" jumps out. And Rajni also pays 'Illaya Thalapathi' Vijay a small tribute by dancing to his song.

And just watch out for the sequence on the railway track in which 'thalaivar' apes Vadivelu: "Dai Maama, ennavachu comedy keemedi try pannalaye?" ;-)

And in between all this mela, there are the songs. "Athirade" is my favourite. Just watch 'thalaivar's' moves and Shankar'a wit in that song.. "Koool.." . Prabhu Deva scores big time with his choreography. "Style" is a very close second. But all the other songs are worth watching on the big screen and big screen alone...

The second half is all about Sivaji winning over Adhiseshan, and his payback starts with the One Rupee he gives Rajni after leaving demolishing his fortunes. Well, one might argue that the twists are very corny but hey I did tell right at the beginning that this movie is not about logic or thinking. It is about enjoying and living life. This is not a movie. This is a festival.

The sequence in which Rajni imitates Sivaji Ganesan, MGR and Kamal Hassan is itself worth the ticket price. Immaculate. When Rajni does the MGR 'nose rub,' I just fell out of my seat laughing.

The 'Mottai' boss makes a very late entry, by which time I am sure all the twists and turns had put your brain to sleep. Now it is 'high' time. Rajni proves why he is cocaine to the masses. No other actor - Not AB, Not Chiru, No other Super Star - can put you on a high like he does with his 'Mottai' Boss makeover.The crowds who were cheering and whistling intermittently through the movie are now jumping. Just when he says, "Sivajiyum nanthan. MGRum nanthan" the movie has done enough for you.

Now you just want to go home, have a good sleep and run back to the theatre the next day.

Footnote: Its time to fix your brain back in the place where it was 3 hours before and think

Having said all I have said, this is also Shankar's weakest script on his 'individual vs corruption' series. And why can't that poor fellow think of simple and elegant things. Songs,stunts,art-direction and Rajini's make up would have costed more than 75% of the budget. ;-) The movie, somehow despite all the highs, lack a flow. It is like a montage of interesting events not woven well. I would blame it on the screenplay. I cant see Sujatha's glam anywhere. Some sequences are too shallow and kiddish. It works only because of Rajni. Also this is no 'Baasha'.

So what ?? Its thalaivar's movie and I've planned to watch it atleast thrice in theater ;-)