Wednesday, November 28, 2007

'Figures' On Wheels

The journey back home from college is long and boring, especially if it's a half a day because public transport is the only way out. To my relief, it was a lot interesting today inspite of having just one other person to talk to. Our topic of discussion during the course of this punishing 20km journey was "How women drive on the roads?". I assure you that it's one perennial source of entertainment. If you have seen women drive on roads you may understand what I am talking about. Thus, with all due respect to womenfolk, I am going ahead with this post. Please forgive me :)

Senseless. This is just one apt word to describe the way women drive. It is just a question of how this senselessness is achieved.

The mention of rash driving conjures up images of men in super fast bikes (minus the silencer). Why women get this "angely" image is what baffles me. The way some of them drive leaves you in awe - poraanga da Valentino Rossi paeththi. [Requested not drill into details like if Rossi really has paeththi. Certain assumptions have been made considering that he is the only MotoGP racer I know of.] Speed is fine as long as you have the control - proper reflexes are of utmost importance. This is invariably lacking for reasons unknown.

This is coupled by their "All's mine" attitude. The entire stretch of tar is completely at their disposal.
WOMEN's DRIVING PROCESS

* Press accelarator and you move forward.
* The harder you press, the faster you move.
* Usage of brakes wears out the tyres.
* Use brakes only when you wish to come to complete halt [read: when you wish to park]
* This is a competitive world and you should let absolutely nothing stop you.Squash your obstacles.

This is a checklist and they make sure they adhere to it. In short, it's their appan veettu roadu.
The other category consists of snail lovers and tortoise admirers. Those who perhaps, one upon a time, drove for jaanvaasams, progressing at a rate slower than their favorite mega serials. They prefer to go along the pavement or on it. They still are a great deal of nuisance; to pedestrians.
It may look like I am exaggerating when I say that some even keep their feet near the ground so that they have the confidence that they can balance themselves, but I AM NOT. Witnessed this yesterday and I did not know whether to laugh or cry. Another example of this : MY MOM
It is no less funny to watch them drive a four wheeler - sitting erect like never before so that they can catch a glimpse past the steering wheel. Aerodynamics doesn't suit them. Sweating profusely and full of concentration. This, am referring to the middle aged women. The young blood adhere to the above checklist without fail.

As if this were not enough, you get to witness more [no double meaning intended]. The "accessories" which they sport while driving a vehicle. Some wear a dust filter mask or whatever. Protection from pollutants, fine enough. Some others mask their face with their dupattas in such a fashion that they look like Afghans. And there are others, Aravind Swamy's cousin sisters, who wear a long white glove to avoid their skin from getting tanned. Kaathotam-a irukkanum-nu sleeveless onnu poattu, karuththuda koodathu-nu maela oru glove. Ithellam oru polappa??
Am not saying that men are perfect at driving. But, witnessing all this, it is just natural for me to gather that men have a better road sense.

Have you seen the face of a person when he gets out of the car after teaching a lady how to drive? Well, if you have, then you would agree with me :)

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Ramayan @ 2067

So have we ever thought about what will happen to our Tamil Epics and literary works in another say 50-60 years??? Every other Indian busy with his own survival will they even care about who Rama and Sita are??
Year 2067:
Ah.. there I see a elder brother telling Ramayan to his younger bro , just because he was forced to tell..
"So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude,he was Ram, to some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know...so that they could all chill out together.

But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man...they had monkeys and devils and shit like that.But this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe(Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And, boy, was our man, and also his bro,Laxman, pissed..... all the gods were with him... So anyways, you don't mess withgods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.. Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok...

So, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's assin his own hood. Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest..and anyways...it gets kinda boring,you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they decided to hitch a ride back home...and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also...so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks...Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks...and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff,you know... Thats it dude.. Ramayan is over and Mahabharath.. lemme think..dude thats another long story.are you gonna spend time on some stories that never even hapened?? To make it easier just change the lead role it Krishnan here.. And btw both Ram and Krish are avatars of Lord Vishnu.. and later during the early 2004 or something Hrithik roshan was Krish and made a lot of money.. thats it buddy lets hang out somewhere..."
And these two kids might probably be my kids ;-)
Afterword : BJP guys and for all those wierd sanyasis who are ready to chop Mr.Karunanithi's head off, the above post was just a figment and I have all the due respect for Ram and Krish..

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Grrrreee..

I finally got rid of GRE this wednesday and got a score that would fetch me decent universities :-) ( If 1270 would get me some ) And all the GRE aspirants please read the following... and excuse me for the post effects you might get. This post is a pithy realisation by this poor soul about GRE.


What does GRE stand for?


Generally Ridiculous Examination.


How ridiculous is it?


As ridiculous as Dhoni is captain for India.

Who should take it?


One who feels Bald is Beautiful and wants to lose his hair before marriage.


How is the test?


As lovable as Kris Srikkanth's Hindi.


When should I start my preparation?


To finish off learning all the words for the verbal section, you should be as old as Jesus Christ.


How many words should I know before the exam?


Around 1,398,350 words. After you complete the word list, you'll have just about enough time to write your will and die.


Is reading comprehension a part of the verbal section?


Yes, it has 50 odd line passages which the authors failed to comprehend. By the 25th line, you are convinced that "inky-pinky-ponky" is the optimum solution.


Could you make this point more clear with an example?


Yeah. "Ignoring the minutiae of colour and texture of the britches and what lies underneath, the dampness of the same could be ascribed mainly to the frigid climatic conditions. Why the damp output has escaped freezing in such biting temperatures is beyond the scope of our discussion.


"Err...that means?


The kid peed in his pants because of extreme cold.


How about analogies?


You gotta figure out relationship between two words which are equally obscure in their own ways.


Example please..?


American man : American woman


A) Laloo : Buffalo
B) ManiShankarIyer : Hug
C) Ramadas : Tamil
D) Customer : Bank Account


In the above example, we first need to identify the relationship. That would be ... "Many American men have many American wives who inturn have many other American husbands". So the relationship is Many to Many. Option A and B are wrong because they are one to many relationships. Option C is also ruled out because it is a vetti scene relationship. So the choice is D.


What about math? What should I do for it?


That's very easy. You'll figure out the answers even if you are Laloo's close relative.


What if I am extremely smart?


Think dumb.


How are the writing sections?


Equally ridiculous.


Why so?


That's part of the terms and conditions of GRE.


How much can I score in verbal?


Definitely more than what Ganguly does for India, the minmum score is 200.


What if I manage 700+ in verbal?


Please mail me ur house address. Veetuku auto varum.Auto la naan iruppen. I'll meet you personally and kill you!


Disclaimer :
These are my personal opinion and I shall not be held responsible if this blog confuses you GRE aspirants

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Bharathi Tagged himself.

I was too busy doing nothing and that's the reason why I am not able to sit in front of my PC and type something! Earlier, I used to hunt for topics. Now I have topics in hand, but no mood to write!

some of those cool topics were

How my TOEFL exam got postponed to sept 29

How i hated my second AIR TRAVEL

How bad the PARAMOUNT air hostess could be!!

How I liked the woman with whom i spoke in that Toll free number for rescheduling my TOEFL dates

How I hated that male who hooked up when I dialed the same number for 'you-know-what'

How I cursed the ETS guys when they charged 50 rupees for the second attempt :-(


Simply-a old people tell Kalla kanda doggie missing, doggie irundha kal missing-nu?! Sme thing..hmmm.. Now Ive tagged myself. Keep reading..


THREE NAMES YOU GO BY

Pasu (Courtesy: AK)
Maappi (College pals)
Kutti (College-la out of form!)

Conclooson : evenum en sondha paer vechu enna koopdarthu laethu.

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE/HAD

Killer Bird (on Yahoo Chat rooms)
Pappara Pappara Paein (on MSN)
Shaunbatty(Summa oru bandha )

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF

Right leg-la rightmost toe-la irukkara nail.
Adhukku pakkathu toenail.
And ulnaakku.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF

Velinaakku
Mayi...err..hair
Nose

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE

Nanjai
One acre nilam in each of the 18 patti.
Pumpset

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU

TR's mouth
TR's smile
TR

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS

Pillow (Katti pudikka)
Bed (Kavunthu adichu kuppara padukka)
Air-conditioner (A/C room-laye poranthu valanthavan you see)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW

I dinno this question was coming up. Badly dressed. So idhu pass.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP

Solla maataen! Idhu ellam therinjukittu yaarum enna impress panna try pannatheengapa, already gals thollai thaangala :-)

[in case you are desperate in ogling me then let me help your luck ' Trust, Fun and konjam Senti' :-)]

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE

Naan nallavan.
Naan kettavan.
Naan avan illai.

(in no particular order) ;-)


THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU

Kreedam on her head
8 hands
Kai-la gadhai

Note : Jathagathula enga amma-ku vara pora marumaga Mahalakshmi maadhiri iruppanu potrukku :-) Dont ask me whats written in that mahalaksmi's jathagam ;-)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW

Go to toilet
Flush
Get back and complete this

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING

Court Davali
Kanakku Pullai
Gumaastha

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION

Koomapatti
Thoppulampatti
T.Kalluppatti

[for those who don't know, these are real places]

THREE NAMES YOU LIKE TO NAME YOUR KIDS

Chain Gopalu
Naai Sekar
Salttukotta Sarasu [in case of a baby girl]

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

Live

Act in a movie with Anjolina Jolie,Monica Belluci,Eva Green,Kate Winslet,Rachel Weize
[ellarum enna mama mama nu suthi suthi varanum. Story screenplay - myself . Only the "action" movie ;-)]

Play mixed doubles with Sania Mirza and after everytime we score, i want that famous chest beat thing of Peas and Bhoopathi

That's it god, am all urs then!

THREE(make that more!!) PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW

Open invite to all velai vetti illatha pasanga.. or to put it in a simple words, everyone reading this..

Now me escapu...

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Guys must be crazy !!!

Foreword : . Well this is my first attempt at a "romantic" story.I thought of writing it fully in English; but as there are two girls,[who recently got a job in an IT company] playing predominat roles in this story, I thought tanglish would be a nalla idea rather a girlish tanglish :)


                                                          Guys must be crazy !!!


"These guys must be crazy yaar" kannadi munnadi azhagu paarthu kondiruntha Asha sudden ah sonna..


PC la utkaarnthu busy ah Minesweeper aadittu iruntha Priya thirumbi paarthu ketta..


"Thideernu enna Asha ularure.. Enna matter??"


Asha, "Ada nijamma than solreen priya, these guys must be crazy..love kaga enna lam than pannuvangalo.."


Priya, "Aaha, thideernu enna love pathi lam pesare.Yaar antha loosu paiyan?"


Asha, "Hey chumma iru di...naane kobathula irukkaen.Nee vera"


Priya : "Ai ai theriyuthe... sollumbothe angae jollu kottuthe..yaaru antha paiyan sollu"


Asha: "Namma pakkathu cubicle Vikram irukkane avan en pinnadiye suthi suthi vanthuttu irukkan dee"


Priya : "Adipaavi, ponnunga ellarum jollu vittutu irukkara vikram ah.. unnaiya.. hey kannadi pakkathula thana irukku, turn and see your face dee.."


Asha : "Hey nijama pa. anniku paaren Food Court la naan saptutu kai kazhuva ponen... anga ethini tap irukku.... but this vikram en pinnadiye ninnutu after i went, antha tap laye poi kazhuvinan"

Priya : "Big deal...ithu bsnl signal a vida oru weak ah na signal ....... ithai poi love signal nu enala othukka mudiyaathu"


[At real-time, girls cant be this innovatively funny, I bet you. So all credit to me :-)]


Asha : "Iru iru, even I didnt think nething about it.Nethikku athe Food court la naan saptutu enthiruchi ponen.Mobile vittutene nu thirumba vanthu paartha that guy Vikram na, naan use panna paper towel ah eduthutu poran...ithukku ena solre?"


[Were I there, I'dve told "Avan oru echakala naai".. But .. girls, you know!!]

Priya : (surprised) "Hey nijammava solre ?"


Asha : "Ada aamam pa.athan sonnen. These guys are crazy. love nu vantha ethu naalum panranga.. nee venumna inniku en kooda Food court vaa inniku.."


As Priya had no other job to do except for finishing the beginner-level minesweeper,That afternoon,Priya and Asha dine together in the Food court. Vikram who enters the Food court at the same time, sits behind them.


Asha : "Paarthiya paarthiya, paiyan enga vanthu utkaruran nu..."


Priya : "Sari sari porumai"


Both finish their lunch and go to wash their hand. As they return they see Vikram standing near the place where they had their lunch

Asha : "Hey atho paaru di...paiyan enna panrannu" [with all the doubts banging in her head which when amplified sounds like this "ada kadavule, enna poi love panrane.. mavane sethan"]

Priya : "Iru iru....."


Vikram looks here and there, after getting convinced no one is around, picks up the tissue that was used by Asha.


Asha (with a triumphant/confused look) : "Ippa ena solre priya"


Priya : "Yeah yeah guys are crazy only. i will go and catch that guy red handedly"


Asha : "Hey venaam pa. enaku oru maathiri irukku."


Priya : "Ada che.. ithu enna murali padama? lovea kadsee varaikkum solamalaye continue panrathukku.. varen iru"


Priya goes to Vikram who is amused to see her..


Priya : "Dei vikram, enna velai da panre.."

Vikram : "System analysta irukken.. en? Kadan venuma?? "


Priya : "Kai la ennadda?"


Vikram : "Tissue paper.."


Priya : " Ithu Asha odathuthana?? Nee ethukku edutha?"


Vikram : "Aama aasha odathuthan.. tho inoru kaila paaru, unnodathu.."


Priya : (with 'enna koduma vikram ithu?' in her mind and slight blush) "Ennodathuma??"


Vikram : "Ipo enna problem, inga iruka ellaroda tissue paperum entathan irukku . Ungalukellam poruppe illayadi??. kai kazhuva pona tap ah thiranthu vidrathu. sapta pinnadi use panna paper towel ah kondu poi kuppai la podarathilla. ippo paru kudicha tumbler ah kooda eduthu vaikkarathilla. Food court volunteer aanathukapparam unga moonjikellam nan vela panna vendiruku ,kali kaalam.. Oththu .. nan adutha table ku ponum"


Saying this, vikram proceeds to next table to collect the left over tumbler.


Moral of the story : Nenapputhan polappa kedukkum!!




Saturday, August 11, 2007

At the stationer's

Foreword:

My mind's drawn a blank. I'm forced to write all the mokkais I come up with in class, here in my blog. Apologies! :)

Fiveword:
shtart meejic
---~~---

I'm bloody pissed off with the stationer down the road. I really am. Ok, so I did seem a bit dumbwitted when it came to choosing the pen I wanted, taking an awfully long time to select one. But that gave him no excuse to insult me.

I entered the stationery shop, hoping I'd be given the same royal treatment I was given in a bakery next door. The stationer stood up, looking relieved to finally see a soul walking into his shop. "Ballpen vennum", I said. Hmmm, maybe I should have been a bit more suave. My line seemed a bit like the "maama biskothu" in the Pandiarajan movie, the name of which I've conveniently forgotten.

He gave me a curt nod, all respect forgotten, and started rummaging the shelf behind him. He handed me a slim gel pen. I stared at it for a while. It must have looked to him as if I was trying to burn a hole through it with my searing glare. With a dissatisfied 'hmmm', I handed it back to him. "Too light a shade of blue", I thought, but I didn't bother giving him an explanation. Without a word, he handed me a click pen. One click, and the pen flew out of my hand. Maybe he didn't trust me to handle such a complicated instrument.

One more forage later, he banged a regular ball pen on the desk, his eyes fixed on mine, daring me to tell him I didn't want it. But I'm not someone who goes looking for conflicts, and I must admit he gave me the creeps with his maniacal scowl. I took it without a word. I dug into my pocket for the frayed 10 Rs note I remembered putting in when I left home.

That was when he opened his mouth for the first time.
Ok, so I was being a pain, maybe I wasn't his best customer. But I will never forgive him for insulting me in such a way. As I handed him the money, he lifted his hand asking me to wait.
He took out his scribbling pad, gave me a sarcastic smile, and said "kirukku".
---~~---

Afterword:
Guess whose birthday it is on Aug 15 :) [thats a http thingy..]

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

My latest crush :-)

Ive been watchin F.R.I.E.N.D.S for some time now and everytime I see Phoebe [Lisa Kudrow] , my senses become !@#$#%#$^*(^*$%^#$






Her Profile


*
Lisa Marie Diane Kudrow (born July 30, 1963) is an Emmy Award- and SAG-winning American actress best known for her role as Phoebe Buffay in the hugely popular sitcom Friends.



*
Lisa is left-handed



*
Kudrow went out with Conan O'Brien until he moved to New York to host his TV show beginning in 1993. On 27th May 1995, Lisa became the first Friend to marry when she wed Michel Stern, a French advertising executive. They have had one son, Julian Murray (born May 7, 1998). Lisa's pregnancy was written into 'Friends' with her character Phoebe having triplets as a surrogate parent for her brother.





Foot Note :


Those who think "she looks like a bum", never mind. I know :-)