14-03-08, 16.08 PM - Apocalypse then

That was the time and date when I really felt like totally excavated :( Why? Thats what this post is all about.

14th March was a real bad day for me after quite a while. It all started when my teamie Lavans called.. er.. nope msged asking me to go to Lourdes' room to get some code thing that we were in need, for the proceedings of our QuickPick.com :) . Lemme tell you,going to Lourdes' room is not a breezy walk. Its well 24kms from my place. But keepin in mind the zero contribution that I put into our project, I had to do atleast this. I also had another work there. To meet Mr.Muthuramalingam, Lavanya's guide. Well and good.

At 10AM,post an hour I got outta bed, I was in my bike heading to his room.

10:45 AM : I met him and got the code. Checked the code in his laptop.

11:20 AM : Went to Pradeep's room to send that code to Lavanya.

11:30 AM : Called up her and discussed about the code. "Ippo nee enna panra, itha apdiye innum konjam develop panra ok? And Muthu sir a patthudu ok?" . Ok and Ok was my reply.

11:55 AM : En Route from Sundi's Place to College. God dosent like me.. or rather the Railway department. @ 12 noon I was waiting behind a bus in the railway crossing with all the toxic gases going into my lungs.

12:15 PM : All the toxic gases that I inhaled was just to know Mr.Muthuramalingam was out

:( Sad.

12 :30 PM : Came back to Sundi's room and was browing for some nice pics for our website. No luck

01:30 PM : Went and had my Lunch in Annapoorna.

02:30 PM : Came back to Sundi's room to see Lavanya's msg, again asking me to see Mr.Muthu. But now with a "plz" :)

02:45 PM : I lost hope of seeing him so I switched over to Plan B. Call him. Called him only to know where he was then.

03:20 PM : Went to see him and ask if we can show our project tomorrow i.e, on 16th March. He said he was busy and was having some marriage to attend. Itha nan phonelaye ketrukalamla?? Correctu :)

03:40 PM : Again reached Sundi's home. Carefully compiled all those things that I had bought. Got his external HDD and left to Lavanya's home..

****************** Just think of what ive done so far. NOTHING! :).. naaiku vela illa nikka neramilla nu solvangalla athu ithuthan ... I had travelled around 40-50 Kms beyond doubt doing nothig. Ena koduma saravanan ithu nu nenachutte nan enna pannen? Seri konjam traffic illatha road la povom nu Avaniyapuram vazhiya ponen... Sema route.. Fulla pacha paselnu vayal and the climate was also cloudy. Sema breeze.. Appo than manushanukku nyanam lam porakkum... cha enna karumam da ithu? oru sappa final year project kaga naaya alayara mari irukku nu.. Hmm alayati code panna solvanuga.. athukku ithu evlovo thevala .. aana life la naan coding thaana panni aganum for living? intha depression la vandila apdiyeee kathuvangitte ponena?? appo than pathen **********************************************************************

What i saw was just happened in perfect timing... I never liked anything hectic. But nothing can be changed now. Can we? :( depressing .The mere sight of what I saw made me feel like Im some kinda slave to whats surrounding me. Life has no freedom if we cant say NO. But for all these years Ive never said NO or taken risks. Sue ME : . Its strange and shameful as it is to admit it. But I have to. Most of the times I never liked what I was doing . Sometimes we might experience truth thats deeper than experience itself. Its beyond what we see or even what we feel. Its the order of truth that seperates the profound from the merely clever and reality from perception.....

Romba olarrenla?? Ivlo olaralukkum karanama iruntha matter enna?? Ithuthan...

Intha pic la irukka pasangalukkum enakkum equal vayasu dan irukkum.. Nan enna pantu irukken.. ivanga ena pantu irukanga?? Erumayoda erumaya kulichuttu irukanga..!! Life la ethuna kavala or commitments irukka? Sugavaasigal illa? All they know is merriment. But this leaves me again with a complex qustion which is intriguinly the answer for the questions of "what is the truth?" that ive been talking just a few lines before...

"If you could be happy. Really happy with ultimate merriment. for just a while, but you know from the start that it would end in misery and bring pain afterwards, would you choose to have that happiness or would you avoid it, for happiness being the only result of truth?? "

PS : After so much of introspection I drenched myself twice that evening. Once on the way to Lava's home and once on the way to mine. That really was a terrible day :)