Wednesday, November 28, 2007

'Figures' On Wheels

The journey back home from college is long and boring, especially if it's a half a day because public transport is the only way out. To my relief, it was a lot interesting today inspite of having just one other person to talk to. Our topic of discussion during the course of this punishing 20km journey was "How women drive on the roads?". I assure you that it's one perennial source of entertainment. If you have seen women drive on roads you may understand what I am talking about. Thus, with all due respect to womenfolk, I am going ahead with this post. Please forgive me :)

Senseless. This is just one apt word to describe the way women drive. It is just a question of how this senselessness is achieved.

The mention of rash driving conjures up images of men in super fast bikes (minus the silencer). Why women get this "angely" image is what baffles me. The way some of them drive leaves you in awe - poraanga da Valentino Rossi paeththi. [Requested not drill into details like if Rossi really has paeththi. Certain assumptions have been made considering that he is the only MotoGP racer I know of.] Speed is fine as long as you have the control - proper reflexes are of utmost importance. This is invariably lacking for reasons unknown.

This is coupled by their "All's mine" attitude. The entire stretch of tar is completely at their disposal.

* Press accelarator and you move forward.
* The harder you press, the faster you move.
* Usage of brakes wears out the tyres.
* Use brakes only when you wish to come to complete halt [read: when you wish to park]
* This is a competitive world and you should let absolutely nothing stop you.Squash your obstacles.

This is a checklist and they make sure they adhere to it. In short, it's their appan veettu roadu.
The other category consists of snail lovers and tortoise admirers. Those who perhaps, one upon a time, drove for jaanvaasams, progressing at a rate slower than their favorite mega serials. They prefer to go along the pavement or on it. They still are a great deal of nuisance; to pedestrians.
It may look like I am exaggerating when I say that some even keep their feet near the ground so that they have the confidence that they can balance themselves, but I AM NOT. Witnessed this yesterday and I did not know whether to laugh or cry. Another example of this : MY MOM
It is no less funny to watch them drive a four wheeler - sitting erect like never before so that they can catch a glimpse past the steering wheel. Aerodynamics doesn't suit them. Sweating profusely and full of concentration. This, am referring to the middle aged women. The young blood adhere to the above checklist without fail.

As if this were not enough, you get to witness more [no double meaning intended]. The "accessories" which they sport while driving a vehicle. Some wear a dust filter mask or whatever. Protection from pollutants, fine enough. Some others mask their face with their dupattas in such a fashion that they look like Afghans. And there are others, Aravind Swamy's cousin sisters, who wear a long white glove to avoid their skin from getting tanned. Kaathotam-a irukkanum-nu sleeveless onnu poattu, karuththuda koodathu-nu maela oru glove. Ithellam oru polappa??
Am not saying that men are perfect at driving. But, witnessing all this, it is just natural for me to gather that men have a better road sense.

Have you seen the face of a person when he gets out of the car after teaching a lady how to drive? Well, if you have, then you would agree with me :)

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Ramayan @ 2067

So have we ever thought about what will happen to our Tamil Epics and literary works in another say 50-60 years??? Every other Indian busy with his own survival will they even care about who Rama and Sita are??
Year 2067:
Ah.. there I see a elder brother telling Ramayan to his younger bro , just because he was forced to tell..
"So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude,he was Ram, to some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you that they could all chill out together.

But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man...they had monkeys and devils and shit like that.But this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe(Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And, boy, was our man, and also his bro,Laxman, pissed..... all the gods were with him... So anyways, you don't mess withgods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.. Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok...

So, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's assin his own hood. Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest..and gets kinda boring,you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they decided to hitch a ride back home...and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks...Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks...and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff,you know... Thats it dude.. Ramayan is over and Mahabharath.. lemme think..dude thats another long story.are you gonna spend time on some stories that never even hapened?? To make it easier just change the lead role it Krishnan here.. And btw both Ram and Krish are avatars of Lord Vishnu.. and later during the early 2004 or something Hrithik roshan was Krish and made a lot of money.. thats it buddy lets hang out somewhere..."
And these two kids might probably be my kids ;-)
Afterword : BJP guys and for all those wierd sanyasis who are ready to chop Mr.Karunanithi's head off, the above post was just a figment and I have all the due respect for Ram and Krish..